laughter is the best medicine, right? over the last couple weeks, i have used jokes to cheer up my friends (death of family/family pet, heartbreak, bored on a bus or at a race). i realized i use the same jokes every time, and it would be best to document them all in one place.
some of them i recently found in this thought catalog article, and others i have been using forever. i will try to credit the source on as many as possible.
ready to laugh? here we go.
1. did you know helen keller had a doll house in her back yard? (no) neither did she!
2. it’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they take things literally. (buzzfeed)
3. what does a nosy pepper do? get jalapeno business. (thought catalog)
4. what do you get when you cross a bunny and a spring onion? a bunion. (my friend erin)
5. what did the ghost say to the bees? boo-bees.
6. did you hear about the mexican train killer? he had locomotives. (thought catalog)
7. what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs….
… at your front door? matt.
… in your mailbox? bill.
… in your pool? bob.
… on the wall? art.
… in a hole? phil.
8. what do you call dangerous precipitation? a rain of terror. (thought catalog)
9. why did the hipster burn his tongue on the pizza? he ate it before it was cool.
10. where does the general keep his armies? in his sleevies.
11. what do you call a fake noodle? an impasta.
12. what did the buffalo say to his boy when he left for college? bison.